Erwin

You don’t love us. You don’t care. And most importantly, you’re not sorry.

How many times have you apologised for your behaviour but after a few days you’re back to being unreasonable and abusive? I gave you so many chances and because of that you now think that it’s ok to behave the way you did because all you have to do is say sorry and you will be forgiven.

You believe I cheated and you never listen to me, lagi kang may katwiran. Why? Why didn’t you believe me? I've told you David is gay, but ang katwiran mo bi-sexual sya. What made you say that? Close ba kayo? Kilala mo ba sya? You want me to admit something I never did. WHY? Is it because you can’t accept that you made a mistake? Or maybe you’re confessing to something you did and you feel guilty and you want to avoid accountability so you insist that I’m the bad guy! You’ve put me through so much trauma, but you didn't just stop there - you have to drag and involve the children as well.

You said you’re angry at your father for the way he treated your eldest sister, but that’s exactly how you treated Owen. You belittled him because of his weight and lack of work. You criticized and mocked him because he’s different from you. You called him “fucking useless” in his own face.

You treated your children poorly. You don’t consider their feelings. You got mad at Erin for turning you down without considering how she feels. Did you know she was awake that night and on the phone with Lian the entire time? She wasn’t here to see what you did but she heard everything. She’s not afraid of you because you’ve been in prison. She’s afraid of you because of what you did to me and been doing again and again and again. And you expect her to be ok with it all? You only think about what you want and how you feel.

You’re angry at Lian because she doesn’t speak to you, but what did you do to her when you came back home from last year’s incident? You didn’t speak to her for months because she didn’t accept you with open arms. She hurt your feelings, your pride so you punished her for it, but you didn’t even consider why she acted that way in the first place. Feelings mo lang ang mahalaga sa yo. You only see their shortcomings BUT YOU NEVER SEE YOURS. You say hurtful words to them with no regard. And that’s verbal and emotional abuse.

You think I brainwashed them. They’re not little anymore. They can think for themselves. They can see through you. They see who you are. You think I ruined your relationship with Issa, when it was you who ignored her for months, and yet you expected her to come running to you because you needed her? Where were you when she needed you?

But you won’t accept any of this, I’m sure. Because in your eyes you can never do anything wrong. You’re the victim. Ikaw ang kawawa, never kang nagkamali. Ikaw ang biktima. Ikaw ang inabuso. Ikaw ang di minahal. Ikaw ang kinalimutan.

You will never, ever change. You said it yourself. So tell me why should I put myself through hell again? Why should I trust you again? Why should I let myself be disrespected, abused and hurt again? Why should I let my children down by letting you come back into our lives?