The State of Being Anxious and Troubled Over Actual or Potential Problems.
I prodded the elephant in the room and it let out a mighty roar!
Not quite certain why I did it. It could be because I was tired of the lies, sick of the secrets. Or perhaps I was just incapable of keeping things to myself, too curious to see what was going to happen and too keen to test the water. Or it could well possibly be that I was just being cruel to my sanity, and somehow wanted to test how resilient it could be.
Who knew.
Now the elephant is pushing me to take an unknown path, dark and twisty. And it's confusing and terrifying. Whether something good is waiting at the end, I do not know. One can only hope.
But right this second, it feels like I have more to lose and nothing to gain. It's worrying. I have this sickening dread building in the deep recess of my heart that I will lose control of the situation. That the people I love are going to end up hurt. And I'm grappling for some sort of assurance that everything is going to be all right, but all I can see is a tin full of worms, butchered open! And me holding the knife in my hand...
That's me being a pessimist. My egocentric side is terrified to the core.
I wish I could see the future. I wish I could read minds. But life is never ever going to be that easy, I suppose. Life is a complicated, satirical beast. I should know that by now.